All That We Carried Page 15

  This was what she hadn’t realized she’d been longing to see. The waterfalls were pretty and the fall colors were dazzling, but Lake Superior was something altogether different. It was power. Raw power, gathered up and gathered up and then released in a relentless onslaught as it battered the shore. People thought of fire as the most powerful of the four elements, but to Melanie it had always been water. She could see it at home in Petoskey on the shores of Lake Michigan, but Superior was in a category of its own. It was constantly cold, even at the height of summer. It was treacherous, as the many shipwrecks littering its bed attested. It seemed almost to be calculating, as though it worked a will known only to itself. On a still summer morning it might be glassy and serene, but now as the cold season began it felt delightfully malicious.

  To her life coaching clients, Melanie was always advocating things that would bring them peace and serenity—fountains, gardens, meditation, therapeutic massages, walks in the forest—because of course that’s what they needed. In an anxious world, her clients were the stressed-out, the burned-out, and the down-and-out. They came to her looking for balance and a sense that everything was going to be okay.

  But Melanie had begun to think that she had perhaps just a bit too much serenity in her life. Her predictable, comfortable life. Her days that started with green tea and ended with chamomile-peppermint. Her wardrobe of earth tones. Her house with its tastefully minimalist, Zen-like atmosphere. Her collection of yoga-friendly music that had no hooks, no rise or fall, just a constant, insistent middleness. So on the few occasions she was met with something like Lake Superior in October, she savored it with an almost guilty sense of pleasure, like she was flirting with a dangerous man.

  For a moment as she stared at the writhing lake, Melanie forgot about everything else. She forgot about Olivia and the map and her plans for her sister’s spiritual awakening. She forgot how cold she was, how sore her muscles were, how dirty her hair felt. She forgot about the decision they would have to come to in twenty minutes. She stood facing the wind and the water and felt supremely thankful. Though to whom, she was not quite sure. Not the lake itself, for it seemed either indifferent to her or bent on her destruction. If not that, then to something bigger. To whatever had made the lake. Or to whatever had made the glacier that carved out the lake. To whatever force or spirit ultimately controlled all of this. For she was sure that there had to be something or someone out there. Someone she was always kind of searching for in her own haphazard way. But never quite finding.

  Eventually she became aware of another sound above the waves, insistent, harsh. Olivia was saying her name.

  “What?” Melanie finally said.

  “Your teeth are chattering. Come on. We need to check out the other campsites and see if we can get you out of the wind.”

  As she looked at her sister, Melanie felt another, smaller wave of gratitude overwhelm her. Maybe Olivia hadn’t been there for her when their parents died. Maybe she’d shut her out when she’d forgiven Justin for his part in it. But she was here for her now. She meant well, even if her brand of love was more of a shove toward safety than a hug amid the trial.

  On the way to the lake, they had passed three empty campsites near the mouth of the Little Carp River. Olivia thought there might be half a dozen more scattered along the mile or so of shore between there and the mouth of the Big Carp River. All they needed was for one of them to be occupied by someone and Melanie knew she could convince Olivia to stay on the trail. She didn’t have answers to all of Olivia’s practical objections—the possibility of a wet sleeping bag was the greatest obstacle—but she never really spent a lot of time worrying about practicalities. Things would work themselves out. They always did.

  “You know, we could go a lot faster without the packs,” Melanie said. “We can come back for them if we need to, or if we don’t find anyone they’ll be waiting for us on the way back to the bridge.”

  “That’s a good idea,” Olivia said.

  They leaned the packs up against a birch tree and started walking again. Without a pack weighing Melanie down, it felt like floating. She thought that as much as she enjoyed hiking, she could enjoy it so much better without shouldering such a heavy burden of worldly goods. Josh did it right. He didn’t carry around a tent or a sleeping bag or even much food. He simply went along his way and trusted that there would be enough for him.

  A few minutes went by before they saw the next site, which was empty, the fire ring cold and dead. Just on the other side of a small creek there was another. Also empty. Several minutes later there was another. Same story—no people, no tent, no fire. At any moment, Olivia would say that the allotted time was up and they needed to turn around and get themselves to that trailhead parking lot.

  “Let’s just try one more,” Melanie said to preempt her.

  “Okay. Just one,” Olivia said.

  They crossed another creek on a wooden bridge and resumed walking. Melanie couldn’t get the time from her malfunctioning watch—and she sure wasn’t going to ask Olivia and therefore remind her that they were running out of it—but it felt like they had walked nearly twice as long as the distance between the last two sites when they finally came upon the next one. Melanie’s heart sank. It too was empty, the only sign of previous human habitation one of those plastic on-the-go flossers she felt like she had seen dropped in every parking lot for the past five years.

  “Gross,” she said.

  “That’s it. We tried. Now we have to face facts. Let’s go get our packs. I only hope we haven’t missed our ride.”

  A flash of blue between the golden trees caught Melanie’s eye. “I think I see someone. Come on.”

  She didn’t wait to see if Olivia would follow her. In a moment she was back on the rocky shoreline, where thirty or forty feet away, a man stood looking out at the water just as she had been not half an hour ago. She said hello, but the wind blew the sound back down her throat. She tried again, but he did not hear. Finally, she was near enough to tap his shoulder, but before she had a chance to, he looked her way with a smile.

  “Melanie.”

  When he said her name, she recognized that it was Josh.

  “I thought we’d see each other again.” He looked past her and called out, “Olivia,” and waved at her to join them. “Have you set up camp nearby?”

  “No,” Melanie said.

  “Where are your packs?”

  “We left them back down at the Little Carp River,” Olivia supplied.

  “Oh?”

  Melanie shared a glance with her sister. “Are you camping around here?”

  He pointed farther down the shore. “I’m the last site before the cabins. It’s maybe five minutes from here.”

  “Do you have a fire going?” Olivia said. “Mel’s had a chill today and she could use some warming up.”

  “I hadn’t started it yet, but I’ve got all the wood gathered. You’re welcome to join me.”

  “It’s not too windy for a fire out here?” Olivia said.

  “Not at that site. It’s off the shore a bit, back in the cedar trees. They block the wind.” He started walking. “Follow me.”

  “So, you’re not going to leave the park tonight?” Olivia said as they followed behind.

  “I hadn’t planned on it,” Josh said. “I was upstream earlier today and the salmon are running thick. Not too many other fishermen out right now. It’s a great time to fish and just enjoy the quiet.”

  They stepped back onto the trail. Josh strolled along with his hands in his pockets. “Where are you two camping tonight?”

  “Our site is quite a bit further up the trail that runs along the Big Carp River,” Olivia said. “Near a crossing, I think. Before you climb the escarpment.”

  “I know the spot,” Josh said. “That’s around where the few other fishermen I’ve talked to are staying. Most of the spots on the lakeshore here are pretty cold and windy in the fall. Your site is about four and a half miles away. Though, if you have to
go back and get your packs, that’s going to add almost three more miles. No way you’ll get there tonight.”

  “Right,” Olivia said. “We know that.”

  “Once you get off track it’s hard to get back on,” Josh said.

  “This whole trip has been harder than I expected,” Olivia said.

  Josh looked back and smiled, but it wasn’t a smug smile like Melanie thought they might see from such an obviously accomplished outdoorsman. He wasn’t laughing at how unprepared they were. He wasn’t pitying them either. His smile reminded her of her father smiling at her when she fell off her bike and skinned her knee. Caring, concerned, but also showing her that he was proud of her for trying, for doing something she hadn’t been sure she could do. It was the kind of smile that helped you get back up.

  “You’re welcome to stay with me,” he said.

  Just then they reached his spot back a bit in the woods. There was indeed significantly less wind. Josh’s hammock hung between two trees, barely swaying every so often. Wood and sticks were piled up next to the fire ring. He immediately started making a little tepee of dry leaves and pine needles and the smallest sticks, over which he made another of slightly larger sticks. Blocking what breeze there was with his body, Josh leaned over the fire ring and scraped a couple pieces of metal together. A moment later a flame was shivering in the midst of the kindling. He moved a stick here and there, and the fire caught, stronger, licking up to the second layer of fuel.

  Melanie held her hands over the flames. To someone who had been so cold, the feel of actual heat was nearly miraculous. “What was that?”

  Josh held out the device. “Flint fire starter. Never hike without it.” He carefully added a few larger pieces of wood to the fire. “So, what happened today? Why are you so cold?”

  Melanie looked to Olivia, expecting her to relay the story of her klutzy sister who fell into a river. But Olivia raised her eyebrows and dipped her head, indicating that it was Melanie’s blunder so it was Melanie’s story.

  “Well, most of the day went pretty well. The morning anyway. We crossed the river and had lunch at Trappers Falls.”

  “Where we were supposed to camp last night,” Olivia interjected.

  “We saw—was that Explorers Falls?”

  Olivia nodded.

  “Right, Explorers Falls. And then just a bunch of hiking. Everything was going really well until we got to the second crossing. I slipped somehow, I don’t know how, I guess the rocks were slimy or something. Anyway, I fell, and even though the water was pretty shallow, of course everything got soaked. Like, completely soaked. I had to change my clothes, but everything in my bag was wet because I didn’t put my clothes in Ziploc bags”—she nodded at Olivia—“even though she told me to, so she gave me some of her clothes and even switched shoes with me. I’ve been cold ever since, and we were hoping to find someone with a fire so I could warm up.”

  Josh had been listening and nodding as Melanie relayed her story. Or, most of her story. She couldn’t bring herself to say that she had also lost their map. Olivia could add that detail if she wanted.

  “So it’s good that we happened upon you,” Melanie said, by way of wrapping things up.

  “That’s a rough day for sure,” Josh said. He looked like he was deliberating what to say next. “So why did you leave your packs behind?”

  “Here’s the thing,” Olivia jumped in. “Back at the junction with the Pinkerton Trail, I suggested that we needed to just call this trip a disaster and hike out so we could find a ride back to the car and stay in a motel tonight. Somewhere she could get a hot shower and sleep in a warm, dry bed. Because, sorry, but I think we’re flirting with something really dangerous if we stay out here in the cold, and I think you’d agree with me because you obviously know what you’re doing out here.”

  She paused, ostensibly for Josh to acknowledge the correctness of her opinion, but he merely waited for her to continue.

  “But Melanie didn’t want to do that and thought that if we could find someone to help us out—I don’t know how, beyond having a fire to warm up at—then we could keep going. And it was quicker to check that out without packs on than with, so we left them and were going to just go back for them on the way out of the woods.”

  “Or,” Melanie interjected, “we would just grab them and bring them back to wherever we ended up. So I guess that’s what we’ll do since we found you.”

  “But,” Olivia said, her voice a little louder, a little more insistent, “Melanie is forgetting that we have a bigger problem to address. All her stuff is wet, so she’s not prepared to go any further on this hike, and she can’t even sleep out here tonight because her sleeping bag is wet. And while I’ll give myself a few extra blisters wearing her shoes so that she has dry feet, I will not knowingly subject myself to death via hypothermia just so she can stubbornly continue a trip I didn’t even want to go on in the first place.”

  Melanie clenched her jaw. She had no response to Olivia’s practical arguments, but she wanted to lash out at her for being . . . well, her. No one had ever had the ability to make her feel small and stupid like Olivia did. Melanie took a few deep breaths and then turned her back on the fire to warm the other side of her. And also so she didn’t have to look at Olivia.

  “You obviously know your way around the woods,” Olivia continued behind her. “What would you do in this situation?”

  Melanie braced herself for Josh’s assessment, which would surely fall in line with Olivia’s.

  “I guess that depends,” he said.

  Melanie turned around again so she could see him. He was already looking at her.

  “Why are you on this trip?” he said.

  “What?” Olivia said. “What kind of question is that? It’s a hiking trip. We’re here to hike.”

  “Okay, but there are much easier places to hike. You’re not avid hikers, right?”

  Melanie laughed. “That’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?”

  He smiled. “Right. So why here? Why now? Why a hiking trip and not some other kind of trip, like a visit to a city with museums and restaurants and shops? It’s a lot more trouble to plan and execute a wilderness hike than it is to spend a weekend in Chicago. So why here?”

  “Why are you here?” Olivia snapped.

  “I’m fishing,” Josh answered calmly.

  “Okay, why are you fishing here instead of somewhere else?” she pressed.

  “Stop it, Olivia,” Melanie said.

  “What? I’m just asking what he was asking.”

  “This is where the fishing is good at the moment,” Josh said, “so this is where I am. But my mission out here is not what’s in question. Why are you here?”

  “Why does it matter?” Olivia said. “Why we’re here makes no difference in whether it’s smart to continue or not.”

  “It makes a difference in whether you’re willing to face hardship to see it through. For instance, if you’re out here because you thought it would be fun and neither of you is having any fun, then there’s no real reason to persevere, is there? If the point is to have fun and you’re miserable, then the decision is easy. Abandon ship.”

  Olivia crossed her arms and looked about to say something, but Josh continued.

  “But if the point of the trip is something else altogether, then you need to weigh that purpose against the trouble you’re running into and decide if it’s worth it to push forward anyway. Trouble, in and of itself, isn’t a reason to quit something.”

  Melanie found herself nodding.

  “So, my original question stands. Why are you on this trip?”

  Melanie took a stab. “To reconnect. With each other.”

  “Which you could do a lot of places, I suppose,” he said.

  “Okay, true. But it’s easier to reconnect in a place like this where there are no distractions than in a city where there are shows and exhibitions and stuff.”

  “So it was your idea.” Josh poked at the fire with a piece of driftwood
, then dug the smoking end into the ground to put it out.

  “We’ve barely spoken for ten years,” Melanie said quietly. “It felt like we had some catching up to do.”

  “What happened? If you don’t mind my asking.”

  “Hmm?”

  “Sisters not talking for ten years? Something must have happened.”

  Melanie looked at her sister, whose face was set like stone. “Our parents died ten years ago in a car accident. We were on a hiking trip when it happened.”

  “That’s horrible,” Josh said, his brow knit with what seemed like real concern.

  Melanie nodded and stared at the fire. “It was really hard. We were both in college. After that we kind of went our separate ways. I quit school to take care of stuff at home, and Olivia . . . left.”

  “This is a waste of time,” Olivia said. “This whole trip has been a waste of time. We need to go, Mel. We can’t stay out here and you know it. Whether or not you’ve gotten what you wanted from me, it’s time to leave. We can talk in the car on the way home, if that’s what you want.”

  “That’s not what I want,” Melanie said. “I mean, it’s not the only thing I want. And anyway, you’d find it just as easy to change the subject in the car as you have here. You’re right that this has been a waste of time. You’ve made sure of it.”

  Olivia scowled. “Excuse me? Who got us lost in the woods? Who got herself completely soaked in cold water because she didn’t want to buy water shoes, and whose clothes got wet because she didn’t want to buy plastic bags, making it fundamentally dangerous to keep going? If anyone’s trying to sabotage this trip, it’s you. You’ve made everything harder. You completely destroyed my itinerary. You even managed to lose the map! I’m just trying to get us out alive at this point. I figured out where to go when we were lost. I scared away the bear that was following us. I sacrificed my feet so yours would be dry. I’ve been doing everything in my power to make it so you can take this stupid hike that you think will miraculously heal our relationship and make me feel better about my parents dying and you chumming around with the guy who killed them, even though that’s utterly ridiculous to the point of being insulting.”