All That We Carried Read online

  “I haven’t seen anyone like that, I don’t think. But I just got here at eleven. He may have come in earlier. Apparently they had several people brought in from the Porkies because of the fire. The police were even here.”

  “Did they arrest anyone?”

  The woman shrugged. “Don’t know.”

  Melanie thanked her for her time and headed outside to watch the rain from beneath the portico at the patient drop-off area. The wet parking lot sparkled like Christmas lights under the tall light fixtures. It would be Christmas in just a couple months. She’d put up a small tree, decorate her house, invite Justin over to watch Christmas movies and drink hot cocoa. Another year gone. Perhaps the last one she’d spend unmarried. The Christmas after that, she could be trimming the tree and baking pies with a big pregnant belly running into tree boughs and countertops. And all the Christmases that followed could be brightened by the sound of children’s laughter and storytelling and wide-eyed wonder. Then grandchildren. A family. A real family.

  “Melanie, right?” came a voice to her left.

  She turned to see Ranger Serena standing there in the doorway.

  “Oh, hi,” Melanie said. “I thought you’d gone.”

  “I would have, but a nurse heard me coughing and wanted to check me over.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “They let me out, so I guess so.”

  Melanie thought fast. “Hey, you’re not going back toward the park tonight, are you?”

  “You need a lift somewhere?”

  “I do. My car is at the Government Peak trailhead. I don’t suppose you could drop me off there, could you?”

  “Of course.”

  “I know it’s late and you probably just want to get in bed.”

  “It’s no problem at all. In fact, it’s good I happened by. They’ll let me into the park, but I’m not sure they’d let just anybody in. It’s closed and the roads are blocked off. As a precaution.” Serena started walking out into the rain and motioned for Melanie to follow her. “I’m just over here.”

  They trotted out to her truck, and Melanie settled herself into the passenger seat. “You’re sure this isn’t too much trouble?”

  “Nonsense,” Serena said as she turned the key in the ignition. “When I was a teenager I hitchhiked from Chicago to Yellowstone and back, so I always give people rides when they need them. Just paying it forward.”

  They pulled out onto the street.

  “That’s incredible,” Melanie said. “Chicago to Yellowstone?”

  “It was stupid, is what it was. But I didn’t think about that at the time. One of the best times of my life.”

  “There were a couple times on our hike that my sister wanted to call it quits and hitchhike back to the car. I thought she was crazy. Now I wish we had.”

  Serena glanced at her. “How is she?”

  “Pretty banged up, but she’ll pull through. Actually, it’s a really good thing we didn’t quit.”

  “Why’s that?”

  Melanie filled her in on Olivia’s injuries and all that the doctor had said about the possibility of cancer.

  “Oh my,” Serena said when she was done. “God was certainly looking out for her, wasn’t he?”

  “You think so?”

  “Well, sure. Don’t you?”

  Melanie stared out at the spot of road illuminated by Serena’s headlights. “I do. It’s just—this may sound weird and conceited, but I don’t mean for it to—I’m not quite sure why God would bother himself—or herself—about Olivia. She doesn’t believe in God. She doesn’t believe in anything. If God was going to arrange all these events to save someone’s life, why her? Why not someone who actually believed?”

  Serena moved her hand slightly on the wheel to keep the truck in line with the road’s sinewy path. “Don’t you think that maybe someone like your sister is the one who needs that kind of intervention the most though? It’s the sick person who needs the doctor, not the healthy person. The one who doesn’t believe that needs convincing. And what better way to get her thinking in the right direction than sending her that kind of a sign?”

  Melanie sat with that a moment. “But that’s not fair. I’m always looking for signs. And then she’s the one who gets them?”

  “Oh.” Serena sounded surprised. “I thought from our earlier conversation that you already believed in God.”

  “I do. I mean, I believe in lots of stuff. I believe in way more than her. Way more. I follow all sorts of belief systems.”

  “Hmm,” Serena intoned.

  “What?” Melanie said.

  Serena gave her an apologetic shrug. “Maybe quantity isn’t the point.”

  Melanie slumped back against the passenger seat and crossed her arms. Something was off about this whole thing. She was the one who searched for signs, so she should be the one who got them. She was the one who’d given Josh a chance first, so she should have been the one having the long, intimate conversations with him, the one laughing with him along the trail. She was the one who had stepped up to the edge of the cliff, so she was the one who should have fallen down it and been saved from cancer because of it.

  She strove to do everything right and was rewarded with yet more work to do. Olivia did nothing at all and good things just fell into her lap, unearned.

  After several quiet minutes of driving, Serena pulled up to a roadblock, spoke to an officer, and was waved through. A few moments later, she put on her blinker. “Here we are.”

  She pulled into the gravel parking area. Melanie’s car was the only one there.

  “I’ll wait to make sure it starts,” Serena said.

  “Thank you,” Melanie said. “Thank you for everything today. For getting Olivia to the hospital so quickly, for bringing the pack to the hospital—oh, hey, do you know the guy who gave you the pack? Josh?”

  “Another ranger gave it to me.”

  “A ranger? Not a guy with a beard and a plaid flannel shirt?”

  “No, it was my friend Mike. Handed me the pack and asked me to take it along to the hospital when I was about to bring in a few more hikers after you guys.”

  “Oh, okay,” Melanie said, disappointment lacing her voice. “I was just hoping I could figure out how to get ahold of him. He helped us out a lot on the trail.” Then, more hopefully, “He was the guy who put my sister in the back of your truck.”

  Serena shook her head. “Sorry. My superior told me someone was in there that needed to get to the hospital fast. I didn’t take the time to introduce myself to anyone standing around there.”

  Melanie opened her door. “No big deal. Just thought I’d ask. Thanks again!” She jumped out, shut the door, and trotted through the light rain to her car. It started up with no trouble. She gave Serena one more wave, then the truck disappeared into the night.

  Rather than pull out onto the road and drive back to the hospital, Melanie plugged in her phone and then leaned back, closed her eyes, and listened to the rain pinging off the car. She was exhausted in every way a person could be exhausted, and all she wanted to do was sleep. She opened one eye and peeked at the gas gauge. Not a good idea. She sat up straight, put the car in reverse, then put it back in park. She dug around in the glove box for the paper map of the Upper Peninsula Olivia had brought along to supplement the GPS. She found the Porkies and squinted at the lines indicating roads. At the far western end of the green blob that was the park, she found it.

  The Pinkerton Creek parking lot was thirty miles away. Driving there and back would mean adding more than an hour to the twenty or so minutes it would take her to get back to the hospital. It was already past two o’clock. And what was her plan, really? If Josh’s car was there, would she just sit around in the parking lot until he appeared? What did she plan to say to him if she did see him? And how could she possibly know which car was his anyway?

  She looked at the gas gauge once more, then pulled out onto the road.

  Melanie followed Olivia out of Macy’s after a fruit
less search for the perfect anniversary gift for their parents. Everything Olivia liked was too expensive. Everything Melanie liked Olivia hated. They’d driven down to the mall without permission to use the car for nothing. All Melanie wanted to do was get home—fast—so they wouldn’t get caught.

  Out in the parking lot, Olivia unlocked the door. “Oh, wonderful! Someone hit us with their door!”

  Melanie came around to the driver’s side where Olivia was trying to scratch red paint off the white door with a fingernail. It wouldn’t come off, and even if it did it wouldn’t have mattered. The little dent was plain as day.

  “Well, that’s just great,” Melanie said. “Now we’re going to get it.”

  Olivia unlocked the door. “Relax. Justin can fix it.”

  The drive back up the Beltline was quiet. Olivia had just gotten her permit and wasn’t supposed to be driving without an adult, so she insisted on no distractions. Not even the radio. And the only thing Melanie had to say was “I told you so,” which she sure as heck wasn’t going to say to an already angry and stressed-out Olivia.

  Thirty minutes later, Olivia pulled up in front of Justin’s house. “Stay here,” she commanded.

  Melanie watched her go up the rickety wooden steps to the front door. She’d never seen the inside of Justin’s house, though he was over at their house all the time. Frankly, it looked like a house her parents wouldn’t want her to go into. Bad neighborhood. Unkempt yards. Cars parked on the lawn that were never actually driven.

  Movement at the door. Olivia was talking to someone. Then the door closed and Olivia got back in the car.

  “So?”

  “He said to bring it up to the garage.”

  Olivia pulled the car up the gravel driveway, stopping as close to the garage as possible. Difficult, because the driveway seemed to be a dumping ground for unwanted items. Car parts, a kiddie pool, a pile of old bricks. Melanie wondered if her fastidious parents had ever seen the place.

  Justin came out the back door in jeans and a hoodie but no coat. Olivia got out, so Melanie got out, though she would rather have stayed in the warm car.

  “What do you think?” Olivia was saying to Justin.

  “Easy. Twenty minutes.”

  He acknowledged Melanie with a nod and disappeared into the garage. A moment later he was back with a toolbox and an extension cord. He plugged a hot glue gun into the extension cord and pulled a strange-looking tool out of the box. He popped a little black disk into the tool and covered the flat part with hot glue, then stuck it to the car where the dent was.

  “Umm,” Melanie said, looking to Olivia. She had expected Olivia to flip out, but her sister’s face was completely calm.

  Justin slowly squeezed a trigger on the tool. It braced against the car, pulling back the glued disk. Then the disk popped off, leaving a round pad of dried glue on the door, which Justin peeled off. He repeated the whole process with two smaller disks, then ran his fingers over the spot.

  “All good,” he proclaimed.

  Olivia ran her fingers over it as well. “What about the paint?”

  He pulled a couple cloths and a small tub of something out of the toolbox. After a few seconds of rubbing whatever was in the tub onto the spot on the car, the red paint was gone. He handed Olivia the other cloth. “The compound has to dry. Buff it when you get home.”

  “Thanks,” she said, giving him a hug. “You’re amazing.”

  Something crashed inside. Then there was yelling.

  “Want to come over for dinner tonight?” Olivia said casually, as though she’d heard nothing.

  “Better not,” Justin said.

  They shared a look that Melanie couldn’t read.

  “Next time,” Olivia said. “Let’s go, Mel.”

  Melanie waved at Justin. “Thank you.”

  He nodded and watched them pull down the driveway. Then he trudged back to the house.

  “Why wouldn’t he come to dinner?” Melanie said.

  “None of your business.”

  Melanie slouched low in the seat.

  “Since we can’t seem to agree on anything, let’s just get them a gift certificate to a restaurant or something,” Olivia said. “They could use a night out.”

  “Okay.”

  After a moment, Olivia said, “Sometimes he has to stay home to help his mom.”

  “Oh.” She didn’t ask for more explanation. It was easy enough to put two and two together. And Melanie would bet green money that the next time she saw Justin, the way he’d helped his mom would be written all over his face.

  thirty-one

  OLIVIA WINCED as she pulled at the seat belt.

  “I told you I’d get it,” Melanie chided. She reached into the car over Olivia’s body and blindly searched for the spot to click it in.

  Olivia pushed her away. “That’s even worse. I’ve got it. I’m not going to be able to avoid being in some pain, so I have to just work through it.”

  Melanie stood in the light drizzle, waiting for Olivia to get settled, then firmly shut the car door and walked around to the driver’s side. It was nine o’clock. If they kept their pit stops brief, they’d be in Indian River by midafternoon and Olivia would be back in East Lansing for dinner. She thought of how good it would feel to be showered—no matter how complicated the process—and sleeping in her own bed and managed to smile through the pain.

  “What day is it, anyway?” Olivia said as Melanie pulled out of the parking lot.

  “Wednesday. I think.”

  “Strange. The whole time we were hiking, we were falling behind, and here we are going home a day ahead of schedule.”

  “That is a little strange.”

  Olivia chuckled ruefully and let out a long, low sigh. “Not one thing went as I planned it.”

  Melanie laughed. “Your plans were literally wiped off the map.”

  “Don’t think I didn’t notice the irony in that. If I had known any of this was going to happen, I would never have said yes to this trip.”

  “I know you wouldn’t have. And frankly, I don’t think I would have even suggested it.”

  Olivia eyed her little sister. “I don’t know about that.”

  Melanie flashed a smile. “It certainly will go down as one of the worst hiking trips anyone has ever taken. Somewhere down the list from that guy who had to cut off his own arm.”

  And their last hiking trip, Olivia thought but did not say.

  Melanie looked back at the road, and Olivia studied her sister’s face. She looked tired. When Olivia had woken up that morning at seven o’clock, Melanie was not there. When she still hadn’t appeared an hour later, Olivia called her phone. She knew from the amount of time it took Melanie to answer and the low, breathy quality of her voice that she’d just woken up. But she told Olivia she was out getting gas and breakfast and she’d be back soon. She appeared with a McDonald’s bag at the moment Olivia was signing discharge papers. Melanie brought all of their stuff to the car as an orderly wheeled Olivia, McDonald’s bag on her lap, down the halls and out the door.

  Now Olivia dug into the bag and pulled out greasy, paper-wrapped breakfast sandwiches. “Is one of these yours?” she asked incredulously.

  “Yeah,” Melanie said.

  Olivia examined them. “Which one? They look the same.”

  “They are the same. Sausage, egg, and cheese McMuffins.”

  “Umm.”

  Melanie held out her hand. “I’m cheating.”

  Olivia plopped a decidedly non-vegan sandwich in her hand. “Don’t they have oatmeal?”

  “Hard to eat that while driving. Just this once won’t hurt. Anyway, I’ve been reevaluating some of that stuff the past couple days.”

  “You’ve had time to evaluate the merits of veganism when we were trying to outrun a forest fire and you were busy saving me when I fell off a cliff?”

  “I didn’t save you. Josh did.”

  “Which, by the way, what is going on with the fire? And what ever happen
ed to Josh?”

  Melanie took a massive bite of her sandwich and commenced chewing. Olivia waited.

  “From what I could glean from the hospital staff talking,” she finally said after swallowing, “the fire containment is going as well as it could be. We should see if we can get anything on the radio about it.” She took another bite.

  “What about Josh? Did he ever even come by the hospital?”

  “No. I asked Serena about him—she’s the ranger.”

  “Right.”

  “And she couldn’t remember ever seeing him.”

  Olivia frowned. “I really wish I knew he was okay. I mean, I’m sure he is, it’s just, the whole thing feels kind of unfinished. Like he’s this big loose end just hanging out there.”

  Melanie nodded. Olivia bit into her own sandwich. For the next few minutes, there was only driving and chewing, until finally Melanie said, “I went out to where his car was supposed to be parked last night.”

  “Yeah?”

  “No one was there.”

  “No cars?”

  “None. So I can only assume he got out fine and either drove home or is staying in some motel somewhere around here.”

  “Is that why you look so tired? When did you get back into town?”

  “I went and looked for Josh and then drove back until I hit a twenty-four-hour gas station,” Melanie said. “Gassed up then parked the car there and slept for a few hours until the phone woke me up.”

  “Oh man. I wish I could drive part of the way for you.”

  “Me too.”

  Olivia spun her head around and recoiled at the sudden pain. “Oh, I should not have done that.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing. Just my neck. But I was going to say that there’s no way you can drive me all the way back to East Lansing today on just a few hours’ sleep.”

  Melanie squeezed the wheel at ten and two. “I’m not.”

  Olivia sighed. “I was really looking forward to being in my own bed tonight.”

  “You will be.”

  “How?”

  “Well, I know you weren’t keen on the idea of me coming along with you anyway.”